Boundaries. At some point something clicks, and you realize that you don’t have to deal with anyone’s disrespect
anymore–whether it’s intentional or not, and even if that someone is yourself. This epiphany is the
realization that you may have been suffering from a lack of healthy boundaries. There are three main
types of boundaries that will be highlighted in this article. We will also explore the spectrum of unhealthy
to healthy boundary types.

Let’s start with the first type of unhealthy boundary, which is known as “porous” or “loose” boundaries.
Think of these as your SpongeBob boundaries. This means that anything can get soaked in and also can
spill out. They can be taken as light or easygoing–and unfortunately at times as non-existent..
Characteristics of someone with porous boundaries look like people pleasing or over-sharing. People-
pleasing looks like even if a behavior is disliked it can be hard to address or confront due to fear of being
abandoned or left out. Over-sharing can stem from traumatic beginnings, causing confusion of what’s
appropriate, and what’s not. Both behaviors cause a vulnerability that can be taken advantage of.

Another type of not-so-healthy boundary is the “Rigid” or “Brick Wall”. This is considered as the too strong
type. This is your “no new friends” rule where nothing gets in, and nothing gets out. The problem here is
that there is now potential to not experience meaningful relationships due to something saying “trust no
one/ I don’t need anyone”, which happens to make a very unhelpful appearance. This is known as
hyper-vigilance.

Example: “I don’t trust anybody. Everybody is out to get or use me for something. So I
might as well be done with people as a whole.”

This type of detachment causes a lot of negative self-talk. Why? Because you have nobody to check in with about what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Bottom line: The negative effects of these 2 types of boundaries include: depression, isolation, anxiety
(social), and unhealthy relationships.

What’s the remedy? Healthy, adaptable boundaries.
And what does that “healthy” look like? Healthy looks like someone who is confident with being
transparent because they have also learned not to overshare. And they’ve learned not to put up brick
walls either.

Okay, how do we get to this point? You get to this point by learning your core beliefs and values. This
means you’ve learned what you stand for and why. You are also comfortable reading a situation and
making adjustments, when needed. It looks like learning how to communicate effectively & assertively.
Meaning conveying messages, and not just emotions. What’s the significance of relaying messages over
emotion? Being loud or emotional can distract from the importance of the message (i.e. line that needs to
be drawn). If no one hears the message, then the need for respect may go unmet. Assertive
communication is key to implementing and enforcing healthy boundaries.

Try this for example: “ I need/I feel/ I don’t like_________, if this is not respected, then I will ______”.

But here’s the kicker, you must follow through on the consequences. A healthy boundary is a kept boundary.
And if you aren’t sure if the boundary is working, just remember you can always move the line as much as
necessary.